Whiny-uhoh

Talk about a roller coaster that I have been putting myself on.  Monday started down and then looked up.  Tuesday I worked too much to feel too much, although work productivity is always nice.  Yesterday I started out full of happiness for no particular reason and today I'm feeling down in the dumps.  Now, as you can imagine, if I were to share all this with Hubs, he'd think I was a whackadoodle.  He already things I'm crazy pregnant (little does he know I represent one of the more "normal" pregnant women...furthermore, he is so lucky I don't get all crazy on him during labor.  I'm nice, though pathetic).

Anywho, so because I feel bleh, I'm allowing myself a rant on here that almost nobody has to know about...for now.  I made up rules though, so that it is a productive one.  I have to say 2 nice things for every whine.  See, I'm so clever.

1. It is so cold!!!  But at least there is snow and my kids have had way less sickness this fall/winter than last year.

2.  It is no fair that I can't have a baby early, just even a few days.  However, I am so blessed to not have all the hardship and sorrow that comes with preemies.  AND, it gives me time to get the house more clean before neighbors or MIL come in.

3.  Although no matter how hard I clean, the kids and pets mess up the house almost instantly.  I feel so bad the day I clean floors because I get beautiful floors for 1-2 hours and then I feel like they are going downhill already.  Messy or not, my kids are awesome.  They make me smile, give me cuddles and warm my heart very much when they decide to be helpful.  I love how they look at the world.  Very refreshing.

4.  The cat drives me crazy sometimes because I've had a dog for too long to appreciate the nuances of felines.  He makes Judy very happy though and is teaching her responsibility.  He seems to be some kind of stress release/relaxation for Husband.  Who woulda thunk?

5.  My kids are tech obsessed.  Husband can never accuse me that they aren't his.  Hehe.  It does allow me to get things done when I have to send them that way.  It helps them bond sometimes too and gives Dragon yet more info to spew at us when he gets us cornered (that kid-I know more about golden eagles than you could ever imagine and I haven't read a word about them).

6.  My calling is a challenge...which, yes, challenges help us grow, but when I'm nervous about having to make a visit or something, it is all I can think about until I get it done.  It makes me painfully aware of my shortcomings.  I've come a long ways in getting comfortable having to make phone calls, picking up phone calls, and approaching people to visit/give info, but I have a long way to go still.  I need to get more bold but it IS NOT EASY (makes me sounds like a social freak but I do pretty well).  Can I blame my mom for this because sometimes I do?  Poor her.  I pretend that if she wasn't such a talker that I would have learned to do it.  Somehow, I think it has nothing to do with her and that I am just a naturally shy, slightly (emphasis there) socially awkward person.  Many of my callings have been and probably will be to help me get past this.  I really was shocked when someone in a talk said it is a form of selfishness to be the way I am, but I can see how it allows Satan to encourage me not to do a lot of good things, and I do like to make him miserable.  So more faith, less fear, Sister!

7.  The youngest 2 are extra nuts right now.  Can they sense a baby storm like horses and cows can sense a thunderstorm.  They are normally (at least Quiet Man) pretty uncomplicated, but they both seem to need me very badly, lots of extra talking and cuddling and rescuing from each other.  I want them to feel secure and loved and that they have nothing to worry about, but when I am counting on there regular old behavior and get their new behavior, I want to scream (okay probably grumble loudly) as it inhibits me from getting my to-do list done.  It is obvious to me (not that enough older wisers haven't said it to me a millions times) that I will feel horrible if I don't give them what they need.  Whereas, I probably won't care about how clean I was able to keep the house or how organized I was in all the other respects of my life.  Beautiful wonderful children first (even the cray-cray ones).  BUT they are still pretty great kids.  They can normally be reasoned with and distracted.  They say the cutest things, do the sweetest things, and I can't imagine my life without them.  I've also heard as much as having many demands on your time can stink, the worst feeling is not being needed at all, and I certainly never have that problem around here.

8.  In conclusion, I am just really pregnant and moody, ups and downs, been there, done that, and I really want my body back and to see what this little creature who I love so much looks like and acts like.  I so want to get into whatever our new normal is.  But genetically my kiddos need a long time to bake, even though they are nice and large when they arrive.  It just goes to show that every BODY is different and there isn't a cookie cutter pregnancy and, above all, I get a kick out of it that assuming you aren't going for induction, you can do whatever you want but the baby's arrival is up to God.  No man knoweth the time that Baby Girl cometh save Him...and I need to be okay with that.