20 weeks

Wow!  Who knew I could have such a confused view on sleep training after 4 times down already?  I am not afraid of letting babies cry it out...or at least I used to think it was best for my kids.  Now, I don't know.  I do have 4 kids who sleep well at night, so maybe it's okay, but will it lessen Daphne's sweetness if I have her do it?  Oh dilemmas.  So here is this week's pic-Daphne so tired but so refusing to sleep.  Frustrated mama too!  But the happy ending is that I got to hold and rock her to sleep, deep blessed sleep.   Love her.  20 weeks seems like it should be some kind of milestone.

And reverse

So, however many days later, Daph decided to roll from tummy to back.  I know, I know, it's not a big deal, but having a little experience with this child thing and them growing so fast, I know I will care and I will want to remember these little things.  

"Look Ma, I just rolled over!"  Shocked but proud.

It all started with my trying to get the kitchen clean, with her lying on the floor next to me.  The girl - she has lungs.  Like from this little body come screams of happiness/communication that are louder than anyone else in the whole house.  Her screams echo off the walls.  Maybe she enjoys the acoustics?  So I thought, Hey, she must be bored.  Let's give her a challenge.  I thus put her on her belly.  She practiced holding her head up high for awhile, and then started talking to me, like this isn't fun anymore.  I'm done now.  Roll me over.  When I waited long enough that she rolled herself over with a few calls of her name from mommy behind her.  She rolled over so she could see me and get more comfortable.  And she was so happy.  I was proud.

Here is my pedi after being w/o polish for months and months and months.  My poor little (not so little) feet.  They are not supermodel feet (ha), but they serve me well and have stories to tell.  The REAL reason I had to share this pic is that I'm pretty sure it's the first pedi photo bomb.  Check out that sweet little nearly 3-year-old toe peaking in at the bottom.  He was determined to be a part of this.  Hehe, I just realized he also toe photobombed the above pic.  Rock on, my little Shawn, rock on.

Had a great day today.  When I was just minding my business this morning and driving Matt across town to soccer camp, I decided to do a little memory lane action since we were in the neighborhood.  Looking at our pre kid hangouts and where we lived and just thinking about it all, I had the greatest epiphany/feelings/insights/view of my life from afar.  It was from the Holy Ghost for sure.  It was just this amazing reminder from God.  I get so bogged down (SO.BOGGED.DOWN) in the day-to-day must dos and getting these kids taken care of and trying to take care of this house and trying to make finances work out just so, reminding myself constantly of what I'm NOT doing right and need to do better, that I hadn't realized/had forgotten how far I've come, how much I've done, how much Lucas and I have built.  I get so focused on if I am doing right by my kids and my responsibilities that I fail to see all I've become.  I feel so frustrated that we don't have more money that I forget how much we've progressed in that field.  And maybe some of it is comparison or thinking how I thought it would be versus how it is.  Regardless, this morning my loving Heavenly Father said things aren't perfect.  Things are so far from what you thought was possible or where you imagined you would be, BUT that is so okay.  In some ways, you have way more than you could have ever imagined.  All your needs are met.  You are so blessed.  And you have grown.  Oh look at how you have grown.  Nope, not rich.  Nope, not perfect.  Nope, not able to control pretty much anything around you, but you are that much closer to being who I want you to be.  You have done a lot more than you realize and you will keep doing a lot, and all the hard work is worth it every time, even though at the time you may feel it's pointless.  You are growing, even as you do the mundane and the hard and the beautiful and the thankless things you do, and that is all that matters.  

I do have so much more I need to do to be who I need to be, but it was great to have some peaceful (tad emotional) moments this morning in a park near where my family started, as I watched my kids play, to remind me that I am where I need to be, I matter, and I have progressed/grown up/learned so very, very much without even realizing it.  I needed that.  Thank you Lord!

Oh, and just to be clear, I fully realize that my growth has come from trying (though I can be a big failure at it more often than not) to keep the promises I've made with my Father in Heaven.  It is because of the Savior's Atonement that I've made it this far, and it is because of Him that I will press forward each and every day, the greatest of them and the most drudge-filled ones (read vomit duty and bad attitude rather than gratitude in my compatriots).

19 weeks, etc.

Daphne is a stander....more so than any of her baby predecessors in our home.  I get major cute aggression (it's real, look it up) when I let her stand, see her ample little thighs and her serious face as she tries to stand stiff and tall like a soldier.  Don't want to ever forget it.  Or the fact that sometimes As I cradle her or rock and talk with her, she gives me this hard to describe look.  It's like she's saying this moment or this time is just for us mom, like there is some secret or joke that's just between us.

And so you see, the cuteness makes each little labor of love, that feels almost constant right now, feel so worth it at the end of the day.

In other news, first session of swim lessons done.  Soccer camp and day camp for my big(gest) boy this week.  I feel nervous as it is so much new for him.  Sink or swim, I suppose, but I'll be there regardless.

This weekend was a lifesaver, at least Saturday.  L made it such a nice day.  Said yes when he could have said no way to my crazy running idea, did dishes palooza, let me talk madly about nonsense-flitting from topic to topic as my head can do at times (mostly always). gave me a SO RELAXING date to look forward to and enjoy, with a perfect sunset AND a pedi at last!  I have to say, and it's not new news, I am utterly overwhelmed daily right now and my mind won't stop thinking, but after a long walk last night, my head was cleared, so at peace and rested....then today happened BUT as one of Lucas's favorite songs says, 2 minutes in heaven is better than 1...another post for another blog.

Mother inspiration

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank

18 weeks - a day late (shh, don't tell anyone)

It is hard trying to get a good piggy tail shot while holding a baby.  

She squawks, squeals, SCREAMS (we're talking headache inducing), and coos with baby delight.  She is a drool factory.  Yesterday at church I had to go to the bathroom and wipe off my entire arm with a paper towel.  She.can.drool.  And she loves trying to stand on those darling chubby legs.

At her appointment last week she weighed almost 15 pounds and was 24ish inches tall.  She is just medium weight and height, but with her not being super tall like her sibs, she looks a little chubbier (which I adore).  

Rolling, rolling, rolling!

Hoorah!  I was a proud observer of Daph's first roll.  It happened today right before I had to start work.  She was tucking in her legs and rolling to her side, which she's done a lot.  I lay next to her with my head on the floor (as seen in perspective of picture), and she rolled over with hardly any effort just to see and get closer to Mama.  Of course, she didn't like it once she was on her tummy, but SHE DID IT.  So fun to watch this 'first' of my little one...to be paying complete attention and not miss this particular moment.

17 Weeks

Super sick mommy.  4- month appt tomorrow.  Was thrilled immensely with herself earlier as she managed to eek out a shrill little scream...twice

16 Weeks

Oh So Busy!!!  I thought about posting approximately 5 times this week with all the things happening and then I thought no way will I get to it, so Sunday will have to do.

First of all, Ben 'graduated' from preschool.  What a cute little fast! program they did.  I felt bad as we simply couldn't afford private preschool for 2 years for him, so I thought well, public school will have to do, and I am eating humble pie because the ladies who ran his preschool and the program they went through with the children was amazing.  They sent each child home with a hand scrapbooked yearbook, and we were amazed at all the baking and activities and costumes.  Wow, they gave those children a year to love and remember.  This will be his only year at Frontier, but he did great and is ready for Kindergarten.

Also had to mention a few weeks ago Lily and the other A Day girls did a super fabulous talent show for their moms.  They made us laugh and feel proud and laugh!

 And speaking of talent shows, Lily auditioned earlier in the month for her school one.  She was so nervous to do it, but she was brave (much braver than her mom was in fourth grade) and actually was one of 12 acts that got to perform.  I went with all 5 kids BY MYSELF, but it went okay.  I have always been determined that no matter how many kids I have I need to be able to take care of them and get them to behave relatively well in all sorts of environments by myself, but it sure is nice to have parent backup in case something goes horribly wrong.  They are kids with the big spirits in little bodies thing going on, after all.  Lily did fantastically.  I marvel at her ability to memorize music because as the amateur musician I am that is one of my Achilles. Hmm, and suddenly it won't let me put the video of Lily in.  Well fine, but SHE DID GREAT.

Lastly, ward campout.  Much anticipated all week, but an illness (licorice, very berry Dutch oven cobbler and curdled ice cream, oh my) made our trip super short.  Lily stayed longer and had the time of her life, but this weekend left Mom and Dad exhausted.  We need a vacation.

And now, to the title of the post.  She lives to make eye contact and get people to smile at her.  She is getting stronger, but the thought of rolling is not even a twinkle in her eye (heha).  She had another fussy day, not sure why, but she is SO CHUBBY and such a great little buddy to have hang out with me most of the time.  When we had to feel from Egypt (aka the ward campout without her getting her morning feeding, she didn't cry the whole 2 hours of pack up and driving home, even though she was awake and could have deservedly screamed the whole.  I love her for that (even though I would have loved the poor little screamer too).  That's all folks!