Christmas Letter 2017

                                                                                                                                                                December 6, 2017

Hello Dear Friends and Family,

               

My Dad was most definitely correct when he used to say time goes by faster and faster the older you get.  It’s a bit overwhelming to think how quickly the year flew by.  I think this is the first year that the magnitude of having five children has hit me with full force.  Life is full of driving carpools, going to games, teaching sometimes unwilling participants how to help make a house a home, more driving people places, lots of eye rolling (mostly the kids but sometimes me), and LISTENING to lots of important things including not just the daily heartaches and triumphs of youth but also deep questions about life, details about characters in books, and, sadly, poop emoji jokes.  It’s a mixed bag around here.

               

Let’s start with ME since I am the writer.  I have had a frenetic life this year, at least mentally.  Last year I wrote and wrote and this year I sewed and sewed.  At the beginning of the year I even applied and was accepted into a masters program for SLP (which I didn’t end up doing).  I’m not in love with my job and want to do something more fulfilling, so I have tried a lot of different things, brainstormed and researched what I might do instead.  I was so frustrated because nothing felt right.  The funny thing is that, for the time being, God keeps steering me back to focus on motherhood.  I can dislike my job, be grateful for it, still do it, and just pour my energy into our home, our children and my hardworking husband.  When I embrace this situation, I feel happier and, consequently, so does my family.   It doesn’t mean there isn’t something else that will be added in my future, but it is what needs to happen now.  I am trying to have a good attitude about it, and we will see what the future holds when the future gets here. 

               

Lucas had a year of growing and stretching as he took on a new role at work, still at Clearwater Analytics.  It meant he is on-call every three to four weeks for a full week.  At first, it was pretty bad, and we never saw him as he was locked away working when home, but he has gotten into a groove and has learned so much, and his coworkers appreciate the incredible value he adds to the team.  Apparently he got bored with learning a million new things at work because he signed up for two classes plus the whole on-call for work/husband/father gig as he works toward a new CIT degree.  I think we learned two classes at once may be a bit of a stretch.  It’s like he’s in the house but also a stranger.  I have to say he has handled it remarkably well, trying to ace all his classwork, building two complete websites, never disappoint his employer, and with what energy he has left he spends some time with us.  I am looking forward to having him all to ourselves-ish at Christmas time.  He is probably looking forward to turning his brain off for a few days. 

                

Together, Lurianne or Maricas, let’s just call us Lucas and Marianne, had what felt like a once in a lifetime (hope not) chance to go on a Western Caribbean cruise with our friends, the Draises.  They kindly arranged all the details as they were relative experts.  We were so grateful they kept encouraging us to go as it was a blast.  Personally, I was worried maybe we’d not get along or run out of things to talk about as husband and wife because it’s a lot of kids, kids, kids around here, which I am totally okay with, but there was that concern maybe we’d grown apart.  Nope.  It was absolutely fantastic.  We relaxed and adventured in Honduras (not really any driving rules, the bus driver could have killed us but I was smiling giddily the whole time), Belize (a country I knew hardly anything about where we went tubing through a cave in the rainforest), and Playa del Carmen, Mexico (where we visited the ruins of Tulum).  The cruise itself was amazing as well, even with Lucas finding his super alter-ego as Lobster-Man (all it took was 10 minutes in the sun to cook his legs!) .  The food!  The fun!  The food!  The service!  It was a great time.  I think that’s the closest I will ever get to being treated like royalty.  The kids were safe and happy at home with Aunt JaNiece (who even wrote up a post childcare report) and then with their Grandma Laura and Grandpa Jim.  Wow, were we SO thankful for their help.  The logistics of leaving the kids were intimidating, but once we were gone it was great.  While on the cruise we walked and walked and walked so we could see everything which helped us not gain a bunch of weight because THE FOOD! , and since then, until the whole two-classes-kidnapped-my-husband event, we have enjoyed many walks which allow us to think and talk uninterrupted while enjoying the outdoors.   

                

We also did what was for us a big project in the midst of all this school/work tomfoolerly as we changed our parlor (if you will) into an office/adult hangout for Lucas and I, changed our old office into Matt’s bedroom/guest room, and dealt with the all the domino effects of upsetting the household status quo.

                

Ohhh, you wanted to know about the children?  Well: 

                

Lily (14) spent the spring trying basketball for the first time.  I know, at 5’11’ you’d think her parents would have done something about that earlier.  She was in a drama camp and was in a production of Cinderella during spring break.  She enjoyed that, so we’ll see if she ends up doing more or not.  She played volleyball again this fall.  Near the end of the season she got a ball to the face from the strongest middle school server I’ve ever seen.  A mild concussion ensued.  Next, she was having a great zero loss basketball season as post until she rolled her ankle, and now she is using crutches and letting me marvel at the ever-changing swelling and bruising on her foot and leg.  She is not in love with sports currently, but hopefully once she’s healed she’ll be game for more.  She gets several opportunities to babysit in our neighborhood, and she is proactive about her education.  She is growing up so fast.  She’s hardworking, helpful, responsible, and sometimes acts like a teenager.  Snarl.  But she is definitely a keeper.  We have to start thinking about…high school.  Gulp.

                

Matt is in his first year of middle school.  That’s been an adjustment.  We knew it would be.  I was worried about teasing and bullying which hasn’t been an issue, but the first part of the year was a bit bumpy.  Our ultra-smart kid kept getting bad grades on his reports.  Every week brought a new surprise from a different class.  Once he realized we were watching and teachers knew he could do better, he has straightened up and is being pretty responsible now, even opting to leave his reading books in his locker when he knows it would be too tempting to take to class.  Matt is 12 which is a big deal as he will be ordained with the Aaronic Priesthood at church and will be a deacon.  He will be able to pass the Sacrament each week and will collect fast offerings once a month.  Matt is not so sure he is feeling this growing up thing (all the responsibility at home, school and church), but I think he’ll do great.  He also has been playing piano and, gasp, practicing.  His teacher found a really silly but really effective thing that has gotten him excited about playing, and he is making great progress at last!  As an 11-year-old Scout, Matt has a few campouts under his belt and can set up his own tent which is pretty nifty.

                

Ben.  What can I say about Ben (8)?  What can I not say about Ben?  He is simply A HAM.  He does death scenes all the time, even when he is actually hurt and/or bleeding.  He got a concussion playing Indiana Jones last spring (hint:  towel racks are not super sturdy swinging apparatuses), and even during that horrible event, when his body was going all haywire, he was acting (and freaking his mom out).  I’m pretty sure he is thinking “the play’s the thing” every second of every day.  He and I have gotten along much better since I have figured this out.  I was a slow learner.  Ben is master of avoiding work.  He works really, REALLY (like you have no idea how much) hard to avoid working.  It’s comical, unless I’m in a hurry, then it’s frustrating.  Ben was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in April, which was a pretty exciting time.  He joined Cub Scouts as a Wolf, and, unlike Matt, who could take it or leave it, he LOVES Scouts.  He freaks out if we are going to be late or miss any activities.  It’s just his thing, I guess.  Of all our children, Ben has been most devastated about how little we have let the kids play technology this school year.  Poor, poor Ben.  He is a real character but a complete joy to have in our home.

                

Shawn, who we are trying to move into a bedroom with Ben now that Matt has his own room, is feeling unsettled about all the changes.  He is a great student at school but at home has had a tricky time trying to figure out if he’s a big kid who likes to play with Matt and Ben or if he’s a little kid who likes playing with Daphne.  Hopefully he will learn he can be both.  There are no rules about growing up, but he’s felt a little gloomy lately, so I think he must be imposing some rules on himself.  Shawn still asks a ton of questions.  I think he can’t wait until he catches up to his brothers in known facts.  He has really taken off with reading.  It’s hard to believe he is not even 6-1/2 and such a good reader.  When he isn’t feeling gloomy, it is the best thing ever to watch him play pretend with Daphne or sleep on the top bunk with Ben, talking and talking at night until I have to go rain on their parade.

                

Daphne (3) hasn’t given her mama two minutes’ peace since birth…or so it feels like.  She is much more than my little shadow.  She is the “voices in my head”, the taskmaster cracking the whip, my mini-me according to Lucas (yikes!), and the best little surprise fireball we could have gotten.  She does not let me rest, rather it is physically, emotionally or mentally, when she is with me which is all but 3 hours on Mondays when my awesome friend watches and then 2 hours on Tuesday for Joy School (preschool) co-op.  The mental exhaustion is real, REAL I tell you!  But Daphne is the most beautiful, most sweet, most loving little girl.  She makes us a million books, cards, and letters every day.  She tells me amazing stories.  She gives the tightest little hugs, the best cuddles, and, if she thinks you aren’t listening, she sings the sweetest little songs (okay, sometimes they are morbid and about death but mostly sweet).  I think she has made my heart grow two sizes too big.  She loves her time playing with friends.  She has a killer imagination, taking care of her baby dolls, doctoring her stuffed animals, and having me join in the fray, and she will never allow herself to be read just one book at a time.  Thank goodness Matt has really taken on the role of giving her some extra attention as he has tea parties with her, tells her stories, etc., because this girl needs a lot of love, probably because she is always giving so much.

So that is us.  No picture perfection here.  We do well to try our best to love each other and those around us and to make it through each day.  We love our Savior Jesus Christ and all the hope, light, and purpose he gives to each member of this family.  I can personally say He has made all the difference for me this year as I was driving myself nuts for most of it, but through Him, I find peace, comfort, the realization of my worth and the worth of all those around me.   May you each feel your personal worth as the ONLY YOU there is on earth, and might I say you are each doing this life thing so well.  Keep on keeping on!

                                                                     Love (if only we were all as good at it as Daphne),

                                                                                                

                                                                     Marianne, Lucas + Our Nicholes Brood

Lily Update, or Lilifred or Lillers

Her brothers might as well call her The Terminator.  Let's talk about Lily.  She is now 14.  Let's just say her mom and dad worry about her in a lot of ways.  And she's a great kid, so I don't know why.  I think it has to do with her being oldest (and me being youngest maybe).  I have no idea.  But every more experienced mom I talk to raves about her and says she will grow up to be a great woman.  And I love her lots.  I just feel like an odd mom because my mom always thought I could do no wrong (but maybe that's more in hindsight she sings my praises).  I know we had disagreements, and I was a rotten teen sometimes, and she would ignore me or go on drives to get away from me, but she always said I was beautiful and thin (ha!) and bragged about me.  I just feel more critical than my mom, and I try not to be, but I always things Lily could do this better, or try harder or be more clean, but even if she stayed as she is forever, I love her lots.  I try to bite my tongue when I ask myself would this be hurtful or helpful to say out loud and the answer is NOT HELPFUL.  Lily is so special to me.  She is the one who made me a mom and introduced me, with much fanfare, to a hyper little child who behaved much differently than I did as a child.  She blows me away with her continued willingness to keep trying and putting herself out there.  She blows me away with her confidence and her ability to speak up always, at home, school, church.  I love those things about her.  I love that even if she doesn't get to do high school sports (it is West Ada/Boise after all), she had the experience in middle school because that is a regret I have; I was too chicken.  There is NOTHING chicken about Lily!

She is desperate to reach 6" tall, but I think she might have to settle for a solid 5'11", bless her.  She is not shy about her height, but I will say I am in desperate need of finding longer shirts for my lanky lady.  She has played volleyball and is now starting basketball practice, B team both times, but wow has she improved since last year in volleyball.  I can't wait to see her on the basketball court.  Lucas and I keep telling her to save all her aggression that she uses on her bros when she's home and use it on the court.  She was a little too polite with other players last year.  

 Since her struggles with friends in 6th grade, she has really found her groove.  She stands up for who she is and her true friends respect that.  She doesn't have 1 posse all the time.  She kind of has sports friends, school lunch group, a neighborhood buddy and then church friends, but the variety seems to do her good.

 This year, Lily really has done excellently in her school work.  If she does poorly on an assignment she takes the initiative and retakes it.  She is doing all of this without us having to push her along, and it is FANTASTIC!  She has improved academically by leaps and bounds, and I knew it was in there all along. 

At home, Lily divides her time between texting friends, being the most helpful delightful daughter known to mankind, teasing her brothers and fighting with them, bossing all the kids around, and showing her mom and dad the appropriate amount of 14 year old attitude.  Yes, she definitely has many different skills.  As one would guess, I like when she is considerable and helpful, but no one is perfect, and she is even pretty good about several chores she used to avoid...like the smelly litter box.  

I am so thankful for Lily.  It is still hard to believe that a year or two ago she was just a little girl.  She hardly seems recognizable compared to her old pictures.  Her YW leader said when she was at Disneyland she saw a lady about 10 years older than Lily who could have been Lily's doppelganger.  She said she was elegant, gorgeous and that Lily is headed that way too.  I am so thankful for 'the village' of teachers, leaders and friends her are part of Lovely Lily's support system because there is always 15, 16, 17, and 18 to look forward to, and with her being my first child, who knows what delights await us.

A Little Light Catch-Up: Summer clear until the eclipse

I feel like I have really immersed myself into mothering and such things, and I haven't documented things because of that.  I have taken pictures, done some journaling but my poor, poor blog.  Summer was great but fast.  Teenagers are tricky.  All children will devour as much screen time as you allow (we have officially waged war against it; our kids aren't having a whole lot of tech).  Some phases of life make for ultra-sweet sibling relationships, and some make for a wretched dynamic that involves a lot of fighting, tears, and some pain.  Lucas going to school AND working a job with on-call weeks is rough, mostly for him (but I DO feel sorry for me too).

I think I will do a separate post for each kiddo, but here is a general summer post.

Aside from usual swim lessons, we spent our 4th of July in our favorite place to spend it, Ely.  There was a car incident when I was practicing driving with Lily, but that has been documented quite enough in my personal journal.  Suffice it to say, it was rough, but the positives were realizing we have the most fabulous family.  My MIL, Laura, my bro and sis-in-law, Jim, Uncle Randy and Aunt Lori, wow!  They really showed a lot of love and saved the day when we were in a bind.  We did have another epic waterfight.  Cameras would not be safe in this environment, and generally I enjoy myself so much I don't whip out my phone sadly enough.  It was also a special trip because we met our nephew, Jon.  !!!!  Can't wait to see him again.  He's a smart little cutie and well loved.  The only pics I did take were tired Shawn and Ben lying on the front room floor being some of the first to wake up.

 We managed an after church shot.  I am so glad we go to church together as a family.  It is quite a precious time, even if during the sit still parts the kids can drive me a bit bonkers.  They are learning things at home and at church.  They have teachers who love and care about them, and they HAVE TESTIMONIES of Jesus Christ, God's plan and his love for them and all of God's children.  What more could I ask for?  Knowing that those who go out from our home will be the ones who love others even when its hard, will sacrifice for others and will turn the other cheek but also speak up when there is wrong in the world, that means everything to me. 

 Part of our ongoing house switcharoo projects.  The kids were enlisted to tear off wallpaper in the future Matt's room/guest room which is currently our office.  Lily and Daphne saw it through to the end.  Daphne is especially obsessed and still peels off the last bits lingering behind my computer whenever she can reach them.  I always feel a sense of pride when I see my family working together.  The moments are not as often as I'd like, however.

 A second part of the project is doing our new office in our front room.  I made an ottoman that I quite like.  Bad lighting but you get the general idea.

BEFORE:

 AFTER:

 We have officially installed the floor.  Have a sofa and throw pillows, plus the ottoman.  Still painting, lighting, getting internet in there, trim, and built-in bookshelves/desks, highback chair...the list goes on and it's slow because Lucas is such a hard worker and intense student.  At least the painting I can handle.  The floor was intimidating because me and saws....IDK.

The total eclipse 2017...near total for us.  Lily was at teen swim party down the street having a great time.  I was supposed to be working as much as possible (darnit) so just made sure kids had eclipse glasses on and ran out every few minutes to check progress.  The little eclipse shaped shadows filtering through tree leaves onto the sidewalk were what I'll remember best.  Pretty awesome time to be alive.  God's creations and how they all work is AHMAZING!

 The kids waiting for the eclipse.  I LOVE IT WHEN THEY ARE CALM AND PLAY TOGETHER.  Matt usually leads these pleasant moments.  The chaotic ones are typically led by my eldest, who, obviously was gone a lot this summer.  Teenagers disappear more, but I promise she was around a lot.

In conclusion, it was a fast summer, a good summer. A challenging summer in that Daph and Shawn get on each others nerves at times, Lily and Ben AND Ben and Shawn with everyone just fighting here and there for the heck of it.  I love my kids.  I think they will grow up to be good people.  I hope they will grow up to be hardworking people who always value people (all people) over things.  As Lucas and I said in a conversation this week.  We have the best kids with the biggest hearts and good citizenship skills.  They struggle sometimes because they are rule followers in a flash the middle finger at everyone kind of world, but they know WHO THEY ARE and WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING, so they'll be okay.  Big hearts, good kids, but kind of sloppy.  It could be much worse.  I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

Last Week of June 2017

It was our first BUSY week of summer.  Ben had his first Cub Scout Day Camp.  He LOVES scouts.  It cracks me up how much.  He worries about if we will be late or he will miss it, and this boy doesn't normally get excited about much more than video games, so I can't help but think he's leaders (a husband/wife team, the Sanders) must be doing a great job.  He did great at being away all day and having the time of his life, didn't get much sunburn at all, and, as you can see, thought mom trying to document the momentous occasion with glaring morning sunlight seering his baby blues was not cool.

 I keep telling him he is the middle child like his Aunt Ja and he will be able to handle anything; perfectly balanced, able to fit in with all sorts of situations and people, an accomplish anything he'll set his mind to human being, and so far it's true.

This here's, um well, I don't know that Lucas names his cars, but Lucas has had this car since we were pregnant with Matt, so over 11 years.

 I remember test driving it (note the 2 doors) with Lily riding in a carseat in the back with her pregnant mom (me) and Lucas and the car salesman in the front.  Lucas got it detailed this week in order to sell it (he bought a new car at the end of April) and it was gone in 2 days.  Bam!  Good car but the V6 did make me a little overexcited in my accelerating maneuvers, I'll admit.  Her sunroof will be missed, but 4 doors, newer and better gas mileage just made sense.

Below we have Matt, my victim (or helper) for a Family Home Evening lesson.  One of my biggest desires is for my children to always be strong in the knowledge that God loves them, the Savior died for them and now lives (meaning his Gospel is true), and that we have modern-day guidance from a living prophet, not to mention the ability to pray and receive answers any time we are willing to put forth the effort.  I see some friends of ours losing their faith and some of them appearing quite lost and unhappy.  I don't want that for my children.  I want them to always feel loved, always have the ability to access power from heaven and to know what they need to be doing personally whenever they desire to.  I want to be contributing members in families, communities, society, church, etc., and to never get so self-centered that all they care about and all they see is the person in the mirror...So for our lesson we talked about how to stay spiritually strong, and every time someone gave a way, like serving others, saying we're sorry, etc., I gave Matt some more muscles.  It was pretty giggle inducing but hopefully got the point across.

Daphne started swim lessons this week.  The last time I will have a child take their first swim lesson.  Sniff, sniff.  Here are Daphne and Shawn being silly in the back of the van afterwards.

 And here is Daphne enjoying her Starburst from her swim teacher for trying everything.  She LOVES her teacher, LOVES going to lessons but thinks her head under water is totally bogus.  Hopefully she loves it more this 2nd and final week.

She is so squishably, perfectly wonderfully adorable.  I get the squeeze the cute kitten tight feeling when I look at her way too often (if you think this sounds weird just look it up, scientifically proven, psychologically studied fact).

And speaking of squishable adorableness, a short clip to remember her loveliness forever.

The Stand

Matthew decided to do a lemonade cookie stand.  His current dream is to be a pastry chef, and he is obsessed with baking.  Bad for the waist (potentially) and the grocery bill, but good to encourage a child in their dream.  He talks about going to BYU (or wherever has the best baking school which I think it's safe to say is NOT BYU).  He has baked for many neighbors, and his piano teacher was even kind enough to encourage him by paying him to bake cookies for the final piano recital of the year.  He was sure a cookie stand was his next step.  I told him he had to be strategic and pick a cooler day because no one is going to want cookies when it's 95.  Matt said he needed a high traffic area, and I said he'd need a permit or something so please, PLEASE just do it on our lawn and see if that would be sufficient.  We are on a corner of the main neighborhood road (isn't that good enough?).  

Thankfully he listened to my advice, plotted and made signs with his brother and then we threw stuff together the morning of and he baked so the cookies would be fresh.  It wasn't his best batch because he softened the butter too much, but the PEOPLE CAME AND BOUGHT!

 Ben:  Caller, sign and booty shaker extraordinaire.

 The main sign.  He was so excited when he had one left he crossed out the dozen offering.  He also made signs to put on both entrances to the neighborhood.

 Lily:  DJ and background gymnastics, along with her friends.

 Shawn:  Calling master, "Cookies, fresh cookies!"

Daphne:  Hanger outer.  And, of course, Matthew, calculatingly counting his sweet moola. I took it inside when there was too much so he could be more customer-service oriented and less Scrooge McDuck.  I mean if he started swimming in it, he could have lost some customers.

Matt did really well, thought things out for the most part and sold EVERY LAST COOKIE in a couple hours (almost 6 dozen).  So I guess our neighborhood works for selling cookies, eh?

My main takeaway aside from my kids are VERY cute is that our neighbors are the best.  Everyone smiled and waved and the eager kids even if they didn't buy cookies, and so many different kinds of people did stop and support them and it just warmed my heart to the max.  GOOD PEOPLE ALL AROUND.

Summer 2017 So Far

We get 2 weeks of slow, slow (in theory) summer before our summer activities kick in for several weeks in a row.  That is mom heaven for me, I tell you.  Below we have children eating fresh bread...not just any fresh bread but my grandpa's recipe which is divine (thanks to extra sugar, extra oil and powdered milk, I think) with white honey and butter just like he always served it.  We did it for dinner one night when I had lost track of time sewing.  Lucas had to take a picture because they were super abnormally quiet which never happens around our table, but the bread was just too good.

 Matt graduated from 5th grade and Lucas, Matt and I were always surprised when he got the Presidential Award.  He's obviously super smart but applying himself at school...we just didn't know.  I want to remember forever that he randomly wears the pin on his tshirts when he goes out into public.  Cuteness indeed.

 Our children's school is a STEM school (whatever to me, charter schools, magnet schools, etc., don't really impress me.  I think a well-rounded education is best for my kids and this school just happened to be our neighborhood school when Lily started way back when) does a cardboard challenge every year.  I LOVE IT because they used to do a yearly science fair and it just was not a pleasant experience...especially for someone who knows what a science experiment should involve.  It was always a last minute nightmare for many parents, but the cardboard challenge has been nice.

 I'm glad we actually went this year...I tend to avoid school activities (having to work at night helps that along), but I committed and am glad I did.  They were each proud of their teams works and eager to share.  Plus the librarian was getting rid of old library books.  I was so surprised that Daphne was way into the games even.  It was fun for all ages.  Happiness all around.

 Ben's shaggy hairdo makes me feel a wee bit neglectful but it's a nice buzz cut now for anyone who's worried.  This picture will be great for blackmail later, but I LOVE IT because he normally refuses to smile in pictures because he hasn't figured out how to real smile for pics, just the painfully fake ones that kids this age tend to do.

 My heart was extra happy at how much pride he took in his contraption.  It was a pretty big game and fun, almost like a hole at a mini golf course.  When we found it he started to fix all the things that had broken as people had played it the hour before we got there.  "It's all wrong!  This isn't supposed to go there!"  So sweet.  Pride in a job well done maybe doesn't happen often enough around here, so I loved that he had worked hard and wanted to keep it nice.

 Shawn graduated for kindergarten, and speaking of all these graduations, fun fact:  We will have a 5th and K graduation in the same year 3 times with our 3 oldest and 3 youngest.  Kind of cool timing that.

It has been an usually wet spring, many gloomy days, lots of greenery, not too hot and some gorgeous days in between.  It's been a pretty blessed spring actually.  A poorly captured sunset, and this is facing east.  Who knows how cool the western colors were that night?

 And we are in full summer gear.  This year that means giant poster board charts.  No tech Monday through Friday afternoon.  It means I am very needed and very involved and am sometimes expected to entertain (which doesn't happen too much), but it also means they are having to stretch and reach and imagine which is good.  They have been extraordinarily awesome on working on their charts.  Once they collectively reach 500 dots then they get a free day where I am at their disposal if they need driven somewhere (or they could play tech all day I guess).  They also get a $20 budget to spend  or save how they choose.  It seems to be enough motivation to keep them plugging away and not vegging out.  I LOVE SUMMERS WITH MY KIDS!

 And me, I am taking a starting/growing your business class which has been quite eye opening.  It started with someone just inviting me to go, and I had no idea what I would even do for a business, to brainstorming, to deciding to give it a go as cheaply as possible.  In some ways I have no idea what I'm doing; in other ways I've done a ridiculous amount of research; and I am learning many, many things about what makes a successful business (whether I actually own one or not).  So I am sewing and sewing and sewing and plotting and searching and will see.  I think ideally I would like to at least make back the money I invested (if not the time), and if that happens, I will call it a success...and if it is a royal flop I'm not spending much money, learned a ton, and will have some fun things to donate to a charitable organization.  Win, win!  Doubting Marianne um doesn't feel so confident but she is dealing with it okay.

Hope my compatriots out there are having a great time and I'm sending lots of love to those who are struggling.  You are stronger and better than you think you are, and there is beauty all around us.  Just look, find and embrace it.

More things I want to remember

Daphne has heard her brothers say, "Me too!" for a few years now.  She started saying, "Me three!" after someone else said, "Me too," but now if you say something she agrees with or want to do (even if no one else says, "Me too," she says, "Me three!" every...single...time.  It is very cute.  Her brothers keep trying to correct her, but I kind of want it to last a little longer.

5 Hopes I Dared to Hope

5 Dream Come True

5 Pregnancies (all different but not he most miserable ever)

5 Labors (each with their own story recited every birthday)

5 Years of Breastfeeding (because it was cheap and easy for us)

5 People Who Know Just How to Push My Buttons

5 People Whose Triumphs I Feel Deeply, As Well As Their Struggles

5 People I Hope To Spend Forever With

To anyone else the above pic looks like a jumble of sleeping children.  To me it is a little slice of heaven, perhaps on the smelly on ragtag side...but heaven nonetheless.  I want to remember that this Memorial Day weekend instead of taking it easy, my husband did an entire day of yard work, still went to church and a meeting with me on Sunday (didn't even get a nap), set up a tent, got briquettes ready for a boy desperate to make cupcakes baked in orange peels, pulled out and put away gear, slept uncomfortably and got a cold head as we camped in our yard.  The kids thought it was all pretty fantastic, and that's why we did it!

Daphne's 3rd

WAAAAAY back in February, our little DG turned 3.  She asked for an ice cream cake (which meant less money for presents), but she is 3, so she didn't care one bit.  

 For her special dinner she requested we all get to make homemade pizzas.

 And she was introduced to Frozen by a doll I had saved since she was 1.  My mom had bought it for her (I think possibly as an excuse to also buy herself one), but I knew she wouldn't like it as a baby.  She LOVES it this year though.  So much so, that she just asked dad this month to please by her Frozen, and she watched it the first time yesterday.

Daphne has been 3 in great ways and in less than great ways.  Lucky for both of us, since she is 5th tantrums are more likely to make me laugh or feel pity for a tired little girl than to get her in trouble.

Daphne has the best imagination and can play for a good amount of time with her baby dolls, ponies, her stuffed animals, her dollhouse, her kitchen or any of her siblings.  This last week when I was busy sewing she and Shawn played house for 2 days all morning long.  It was more than precious to witness.  She likes to keep up with her brothers and be tough and silly, too.

Below I believe she was putting all the dollhouse dolls and their pets to sleep.  She has also been known to cause pandemics amongst all the animals and dolls which Dr. Daphne then treats.  So, so fun.

The more I get to know her, the more I like, and I can say that even as she is rolling around on the floor next to me wrapped in a blanket, feeling a little angry I didn't get her milk fast enough.  Luckily, she'll snap out of it a minute or two.  Looking forward to many, many more years to come with our little Dapherdil.

EVIDENCE TO DOCUMENT SIBLING LOVE AND JOY

There is a lot of contention, arguing, teasing, hitting, ignoring, etc., that goes on at our house on any given day.  When I got back from a quick neighborhood walk it was great to hear ONLY laughter in the backyard.  When I looked outside I saw this.  They were all having fun; they were all included; they were all happy.  No one was cheating.  Sigh.  It was a beautiful few minutes and gives me a lot of hope.

Ben's BIG DAY

I suppose I have lots of things to share, but I'm starting with this weekend.

Ben is in a I don't want to smile phase, in case you couldn't tell from this year's family pictures.  He ends up looking like a boy from those Old West photos...living a hard life, homesteading it, but that's okay.  It will bring back fond memories someday.  On April 8, 2017, Ben was baptized as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  He made promises with his Heavenly Father to remember Jesus always and to keep His commandments, trying to be more like Him every day.  It's a tall order for a little boy, but he was confirmed with the gift of the Holy Ghost too, which has been a huge a blessing in my life and will help him along the way too.

I remember thinking once I made a mistake after being baptized it was all over, so I emphasize to my kids again and again that we have the opportunity to renew our baptismal covenants (promises) every week when we sincerely and conscientiously take the sacrament.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want us to succeed more than anything.

One of my favorite quotes of all time, and it applies to every single human on earth who has a sincere heart:

“Our Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail but to succeed gloriously.”—Elder Richard G. Scott

It was a great day, a holy day, and took a few extra months than I would've liked, but it was worth the wait.  Mom and Dad wanted to make sure our resident class clown knew what he was doing and that this is serious business.  We had the missionaries come over just for him and teach him several lessons.  Yes, he knew most of the answers, but I think it got him thinking and realizing this is a big deal, not just something I'm doing because everybody else is doing it.

 We were very happy to have my dad and the ever-trusty Aunty Ja come for the big day.  My dad is a super reliable fellow, and I love him for that.  Life has few certainties - a father who is always there when he says he'll be and who has never made an empty promise is pretty fantastic.  Ja just jumps right into the madness and helps and it makes my heart very happy and our home a nicer place too.  She is well loved and seems to handle the hyper pretty well.

Lily graciously agreed to lead last minute even though she had no idea what she was doing.  Love that girl's Will-Try/Can-Do attitude.  Ben asked if Matt would give a talk, which was kind of a huge step if you consider it wasn't just our friends and family but 2 other kids were getting baptized and Matt has never done a talk beyond the walls of the primary room.  He learned about feeling the spirit as you put effort into writing a talk, and Matt ended up really being happy he had the experience.

I included the picture of Daphne because she was singing and *reading* the words intently as Lily led "I am a Child of God".  During the video with some songs and some sweet testimonies she sat with her knees up to her chest just drinking it all in.  Needless to say my heart was full of love for our whole family on this most important of days.

We invited the people who came to the baptism over afterward for lunch and visiting (and for the kids to run around and scream apparently), and it was just a great day, one for the history books.  Incidentally, in church the next day, a lot of people felt bad because last week was Gen Conf and so Ben's baptism date didn't get announced.  I was told I should have texted reminders to all, but, um, I guess I would have felt embarrassed, and we know we are loved anyway, so no worries there.  All that really mattered is that IT HAPPENED.  I love Ben and even though more than any of my other kids he likes to tease his mom to no end, all straight-faced as can be, he will always be well loved and worried about, prayed for and looked after in our family.

And now for your viewing pleasure, my 2 (only) blue-eyed boys with a few irreverent selfies before the meeting started.