It might be a weird day

...because it was certainly a strange night.

I have been, of course, cleaning, but Judy came home from school ready to do homework so she could sew.  Now, Ms. Judy got fabric for Christmas specifically so she could make her little sister a blanket, and we did a little cutting out but then nothing for 1.5 months.  As much as I wanted to make her clean her room with me instead, I decided this time would be of more worth to us, so I taught her some sewing basics.

She tried so hard and when she messed up she didn't give up and run away or do a crying fit.  I was amazed.  It wasn't easy.  I can't even remember what it was like when I was learning, but I know I must not have been that good as my skills are not stellar even now.  I was proud and nervous and a titch frustrated (I tell you patient divided in half at this point), but I was encouraging and positive and not stupid at all, a rarity when I parent sometimes.  

Out of nowhere she decided a pillowcase would be a good practice, so she made herself a pillowcase as I showed her how and, MY, that girl was is proud and declared it the most comfortable pillowcase ever.

Then comes the weird part of the day.  Kids to bed, I work and feel jittery and then get kind of shock-like chills when I go to bed.  Then I had all sorts of random contractions, what felt like a mini panic about going into labor, some more spread out contractions, and then I fell asleep about 5 a.m.  What the?  I'm guessing some type of preparatory thing or false labor because nothing has happened since.  I still have a nervous stomach and think baby girl has dropped some, so maybe, possibly, miraculously I won't go overdue...then again, maybe I will, and we will get another roller coaster week.

Now I am bracing for the LONG DAY-Fridays of doom!!!!  But at least this morning it was a SNOW DAY!!!  The kids are having an awesome time.  Judy and I got all her patches sewn and pressed and now we just need to piece together.  Part of me hopes we can finish before baby comes and part of me hopes the baby can just use it as a blessing blanket and not a come-home blanket so that baby can come sooner.  Realistically, we can probably get it done before if Judy stays interested, and she is so proud and learning patience and skills, so either way, it was worth it for me to ditch plans and do what she wanted/needed to do last night and this morning.  Will post pics when mission accomplished!

Whiny-uhoh

Talk about a roller coaster that I have been putting myself on.  Monday started down and then looked up.  Tuesday I worked too much to feel too much, although work productivity is always nice.  Yesterday I started out full of happiness for no particular reason and today I'm feeling down in the dumps.  Now, as you can imagine, if I were to share all this with Hubs, he'd think I was a whackadoodle.  He already things I'm crazy pregnant (little does he know I represent one of the more "normal" pregnant women...furthermore, he is so lucky I don't get all crazy on him during labor.  I'm nice, though pathetic).

Anywho, so because I feel bleh, I'm allowing myself a rant on here that almost nobody has to know about...for now.  I made up rules though, so that it is a productive one.  I have to say 2 nice things for every whine.  See, I'm so clever.

1. It is so cold!!!  But at least there is snow and my kids have had way less sickness this fall/winter than last year.

2.  It is no fair that I can't have a baby early, just even a few days.  However, I am so blessed to not have all the hardship and sorrow that comes with preemies.  AND, it gives me time to get the house more clean before neighbors or MIL come in.

3.  Although no matter how hard I clean, the kids and pets mess up the house almost instantly.  I feel so bad the day I clean floors because I get beautiful floors for 1-2 hours and then I feel like they are going downhill already.  Messy or not, my kids are awesome.  They make me smile, give me cuddles and warm my heart very much when they decide to be helpful.  I love how they look at the world.  Very refreshing.

4.  The cat drives me crazy sometimes because I've had a dog for too long to appreciate the nuances of felines.  He makes Judy very happy though and is teaching her responsibility.  He seems to be some kind of stress release/relaxation for Husband.  Who woulda thunk?

5.  My kids are tech obsessed.  Husband can never accuse me that they aren't his.  Hehe.  It does allow me to get things done when I have to send them that way.  It helps them bond sometimes too and gives Dragon yet more info to spew at us when he gets us cornered (that kid-I know more about golden eagles than you could ever imagine and I haven't read a word about them).

6.  My calling is a challenge...which, yes, challenges help us grow, but when I'm nervous about having to make a visit or something, it is all I can think about until I get it done.  It makes me painfully aware of my shortcomings.  I've come a long ways in getting comfortable having to make phone calls, picking up phone calls, and approaching people to visit/give info, but I have a long way to go still.  I need to get more bold but it IS NOT EASY (makes me sounds like a social freak but I do pretty well).  Can I blame my mom for this because sometimes I do?  Poor her.  I pretend that if she wasn't such a talker that I would have learned to do it.  Somehow, I think it has nothing to do with her and that I am just a naturally shy, slightly (emphasis there) socially awkward person.  Many of my callings have been and probably will be to help me get past this.  I really was shocked when someone in a talk said it is a form of selfishness to be the way I am, but I can see how it allows Satan to encourage me not to do a lot of good things, and I do like to make him miserable.  So more faith, less fear, Sister!

7.  The youngest 2 are extra nuts right now.  Can they sense a baby storm like horses and cows can sense a thunderstorm.  They are normally (at least Quiet Man) pretty uncomplicated, but they both seem to need me very badly, lots of extra talking and cuddling and rescuing from each other.  I want them to feel secure and loved and that they have nothing to worry about, but when I am counting on there regular old behavior and get their new behavior, I want to scream (okay probably grumble loudly) as it inhibits me from getting my to-do list done.  It is obvious to me (not that enough older wisers haven't said it to me a millions times) that I will feel horrible if I don't give them what they need.  Whereas, I probably won't care about how clean I was able to keep the house or how organized I was in all the other respects of my life.  Beautiful wonderful children first (even the cray-cray ones).  BUT they are still pretty great kids.  They can normally be reasoned with and distracted.  They say the cutest things, do the sweetest things, and I can't imagine my life without them.  I've also heard as much as having many demands on your time can stink, the worst feeling is not being needed at all, and I certainly never have that problem around here.

8.  In conclusion, I am just really pregnant and moody, ups and downs, been there, done that, and I really want my body back and to see what this little creature who I love so much looks like and acts like.  I so want to get into whatever our new normal is.  But genetically my kiddos need a long time to bake, even though they are nice and large when they arrive.  It just goes to show that every BODY is different and there isn't a cookie cutter pregnancy and, above all, I get a kick out of it that assuming you aren't going for induction, you can do whatever you want but the baby's arrival is up to God.  No man knoweth the time that Baby Girl cometh save Him...and I need to be okay with that.

Rose

Sooo, I like Little House on the Prairie books, and though I'd probably heard of them, I didn't realize there were 7 books all about Laura Ingalls' daughter, Rose, and apparently even some about her mom, Caroline.  I was skeptical but desperate to read and got the Rose Years books from the library.  I've enjoyed them a lot.

In the one above, I wanted to smack Rose for about half the book, but then that is a common feeling of mature motherly types when it comes to ungrateful teenagers.

Otherwise, I am eagerly awaiting continuing the Ranger's Apprentice series recommended to me by my man.  I read speedily through 2 books and then was on the waiting list and started the Rose ones, and I am not a champ at reading multiple series at once, so once I finish the last Rose book, I get to go back.  I can't believe I have spent so much of my motherhood with vast gaps where I didn't tons.  My life is so much richer when I am immersed in a book.

Whew!

A long busy productive (not the nicest mom in the world though) day.  I have some cleaning that must get done this week, and a few other to-do's that I'm sure will make me hold this baby in until I get them done.  So I was busy today.  So busy, but won't bore you with the details.  Suffice it to say that in the evening within a 20-minute span I lost all faith in child kind and then that faith was redeemed.  I LOVE IT WHEN MY KIDS DECIDE TO DO SOMETHING WONDERFUL TO SHOW THEIR LOVE OR THAT THEY DO KNOW HOW TO HELP MAJORLY, all without being asked.

I officially have all of Baby's things washed and put away as of today.  I have protected the bassinet from being the cat's abode so that icky kitty germs and hair aren't on my sweet little one's bed.  AND, the latest I have ever done it, I packed my hospital bag.  Now I feel ready on that front...not for the nearly unbearable pain but supply wise and for the wonderful after baby has arrived time when we get to bond in the hospital.  Hubby even got an old phone reactivated and on our account, so we have a home phone with lots of numbers so that we are prepared for all eventualities.  Now..................we wait...........while baby gains weight.  Please don't be 9 pounder, please don't be 9 pounder, but I love you no matter what.

AND, even though I don't often use this forum as a shout-out place for my husband, he really made me happy after a somewhat exhausting day.  Even though he had worked an extra-long day, came home late, etc., he let us all burden him with our needs before he even got any cave time.  He looked for a library book, found Dragon a Valentine box, and he remade (in the amazing way only he can) Quiet's bed (which has been unmade for nearly a month because he sleeps heathen style (heathen how my mom says it as in undignified, not as in an unbeliever/devil worshiper.  Husbands are amazing sometimes!!!

Hands Down Best

Because I am to the point where most of life's physical pleasures are devoid of their former glory (but I can still eat...in extremely small portions unless I want to down Tums).

Forget food photography.  This is just so I'll remember to record recipes for my kids...if they don't go gluten free, sugar free, etc.

Breadsticks.  Found this recipe in a church cookbook from our marrieds ward.  Incidentally, Husband's least favorite thing I ever cooked was located in that book.  It included broccoli, mayonnaise and chicken.  I will never live it down.  But back to these breadsticks--it is hard to eat just one and my kids will eat 6, 7, as many as I let them, so we really have to watch them.  The secret deliciousness comes from them being dipped in butter, although I've had great success with cutting way back on the butter.  Then you have the trifecta of garlic salt, parsley and P.A.R.M.E.S.A.N.  Mmm, the whole family loves them and they are a perfect accompaniment to soup...or by themselves in marinara if you are into carb loading.

 Simple Delicious Chocolate Cake.  Really, you can use whatever your favorite chocolate cake is, but then, then, you make a Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting (cutting out 1/3 or so of the sugar).  This works well for people who are not huge into frosting because of it's sickly sweetness or shortening nastiness.  It is decadent but the less sugar makes you not feel sick, just chocolatey satisfied.

 And my favorite photographer is seriously Quiet Man.  He cracks me up.  Today, he wanted picture of just him and no Hulk, but Hulk photobombed and so I let Quiet do selfies to his heart's content, one of which was just the smiley on his shirt.

Day 268

Approximately.

 I forget how up to 38 weeks pregnancy is not too terrible for me and then....

Oh well, possibly and likely the last time, so I should be enjoying this, right?  I will say it is sweet (when done gently) to feel little toes tickling my ribs.  Oh, and during church today, Quiet and Judy were both leaning on my tummy and feeling a bunch of movement.  Quiet's eyes would light up.  Judy kept saying again and again all day how she was so happy to finally feel lots of movements.  Up to this point, sister had teased her and stopped whenever I tried to let her feel kicks.

I have little energy and lots to do this next week, so I guess much prayer is in order.  God can lighten the weight I feel and give me strength I don't have but need.

Woohoo!

I journaled every day for a whole month.  That's something for me.  Our house has been full of pounding today as Hubby has been transferring shelving from the office closet to Judy's room.  It will be so nice to find a place for all the stuff in her room.  Best of all, I didn't hear any swearing when he hammered his thumb.  50% of the minions and I went to our Stake baptism to support a sweet girl from our ward.  I love baptisms as I always feel the Spirit when I'm at one.  Then we had a dinner date with friends.  It's been a long time and was pretty fun.

13 days or in my reality/fantasy world 14 days when my MIL will be here OR in my absurd fantasy world, this baby would come tonight.  Fifth time and I'm still terrified about the pain and the what-ifs.    Must remember that once it is really happening it can't last forever, and the destination will be SO WORTH IT!