Spontaneity and December

At the end of November...

 Lily got her hair cut and has been loving it.  And we got a decent little snow while Sam, Jon and Jonny were visiting.  Shawn went out and made a snowman in the dark.  We went bowling as a big family.  And we (mostly Lucas with some help from Matt and I) got our office remodel started a couple of years ago 98% finished (shelving).

This is the Mayan calendar we got for our wedding date when we were in Playa del Carmen for a cruise excursion.  It now has a place in our office, along with some photos of Lucas and I on a few of our adventures (which he wrapped up as a Christmas present announcing taking me on a trip at my convenience).

Ben the party planner asked if he could please do a Christmas party for boys and girls, and so we did that early in December before the hoopla of the holidays got too intense.

 We also had a perfectly simple (probably not for the planners) ward holiday breakfast.  You can see shy Shawn off to the left and shy Daphne as the tallest in the front row, but they got up there and sang!!!  Ben is officially too cool to sing with the primary even though he has a whole year left before going into YM. 

Ben the entrepreneur also has a publishing company at school.  He designed a logo and a mascot.  When I subbed in his classroom the last day of school I saw the advertisements he'd posted for help wanted and for people to order comics.  Cute!

 Matt turned 14.  He's such a fun kid.  Old enough for facial hair which mortifies him when we point it out (I'm trying to stop) but so sweet and loving.  I'm hoping boys don't dislike their parents quite as much as girls do during the teenage years (personal experience-I realize some people have kids who always think they're great).

 Daphne and Shawn playing with some leftovers from Ben's party.  Cute little Santa and elf.

 Grandma Laura and Grandpa Jim came and brought lots of presents.  Grandma EVEN crocheted Daphne's kitty a dress and blanket which is pretty impressive considering the visit was less than 24 hours.  Their visit this year was a breath of fresh air during a very difficult month or two.  It kind of felt like a grand kickoff to being almost to Christmas (though I still had a few more days until I was on break).

 During December I would wrap myself in a blanket on the couch early in the morning and read the Book of Mormon by the light of the Christmas tree.  So peaceful and centering-too bad I've given it up the last 5 days for sleeping in.  Still might have a day or 2 before we take the tree down so I can revel a bit more in the great feelings it let me have when I was just wiped out and sad.

 Just a random picture of Daphne dressing up as a sunbather, Moana, foxy tailed creation.  Oh Daphne, this was the month we finally, FINALLY got your baby book done.  Happy dance! 

 Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning:

 Ben, where are you???  He's just out of the frame.

It was a nice Christmas with perhaps too many presents (not because of Lucas and I😼), but the kids had a wonderful time and have had a lot to keep them occupied.  But being as they are kids, they still manage to be bored too, of course.  We were thankful for all the love and friendship shown through cards, treats, fun and meaningful presents, and phone calls.

Before I write the spontaneous part of this post, I just have to share a silly but not silly Christmas morning experience:  I had my first present from Laura and Jim on my lap to open, and when it was my turn I ripped open the paper and saw a set of teacher stamps.  Emotion overcame me and I actually cried over a Christmas present.  This is not my MO, not at all.  I cry but not over presents, but there I was crying with my first present of the morning.  I sort of wanted to ask for teacher stuff for Christmas so that I am prepared when I get a real job, but I had no idea what to ask for.  I don't know my grade level.  I don't know what I'll need.  Just a bunch of unknowns, so I didn't say a word.  So it was really neat that Laura got me something teacher related that will be perfect no matter what I teach.  Not only that, but having a tangible item that I will use when I teach made it seem real.  I don't know why but all this sacrifice from me, Lucas, and in some ways the kids, all the worrying about if I'm being a good enough mom while I'm a student, if I am actually doing the right thing, if I will ever make it, all of that just kind of crescendoed into tears as I realized it's not forever away.  I have spring, fall and then I will be certified, even if it takes me another half year to get hired.  I can do it this.  I will do this.  And, most importantly, even though this was not my plan, even though this does not fit what I (and many) have labeled as what I ideally should be doing with my life right now as a Christian mother, I have felt time and again (between all the doubts and fears) that this is right, that there are reasons for me to be doing this, reasons for myself and for my future pupils and co-workers.  I don't have answers, but Christmas morning made me realize how much I want this and am excited (again, mixed with all the doubts and fears).

SPONTANEITY:  So with 5 children, a few of which become easily anxious, we aren't the most spontaneous people.  But, Friday after Christmas Lucas said, hey, we should go visit your family in Tooele, UT.  Specifically, Dear Aunt Ja was hit by a car a week and a half ago and we have been concerned and wanted to see her, but also she was at my sister Meredith's house, along with Marc and 3 out of 4 nieces and nephews.  I said sure, so we planned to go the next morning.  Lily was not sure, go, don't go, go, don't go, and she decided to stay and take care of pets.  The other kids were shocked by the concept of just taking off but the youngest three are pretty go with the flow, so taking our time, off we went.  It was a fun quick trip.  We ate out, reconnected, planned for the family's 2020 which really needs to be more organized and intentional given my professional year and Lucas working at home.  We swam a lot in our hotel pool.  Lucas is so fun to watch with the kids!  I am not a swimming queen but practiced my front glides and did some elementary back stroke.  We played Marco Polo, did one chicken fight and Lucas launched Ben and Shawn quite a few times.  It was just fun and relaxing.  And it was great to see poor Ja who I am wishing the quickest healing and lots of car rides for until she can drive.  We had fun with Mere/Marc, Olivia, Megan, and Ryan.  Meredith made a yummy dinner and it was way worth the spontaneity.  We decided we need to do it more.  Oh, and even though I didn't love much of the stormy snowy drive home, it could have been much worse and God kept us safe.

Life is so different from a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, and I am seeing that most of those times that seem too crazy or too imperfect, in one way or another are the best of times, so it's important to find the beauty and gratitude we can muster for the times we are in.  I find myself looking fondly on times that weren't that great at the time, if that makes sense, so I have to assume that right now, in all its at times raw and ugly, will someday be precious to me.  Hopefully, I can blog even once a month like i did last month and this one because all the journaling I can must between written and typed is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself (and hopefully my posterity).