12/31/2018

It was a great year for going back to school, seeing kids grow too fast and doing amazing things I never dreamed they were capable of, having some rejuvenating family time/trips, and fully realizing that marriage is a team sport.  It's been a year where I've done new things and comfortable old things, too.

It was a bad year for hair cuts (for me at least), perfectly excellent health for our family, and free time.

I feel like I've had some great personal growth in 2018.  I've re-thought a lot my dead-end thinking.  I'm trying to change a lot of self-talk that has not done me much good.  I'm trying to be kinder to myself but also need to push myself harder in some ways (like being a better cleaning queen).  I feel ready for 2019.  

1.  I want to really take charge of our family budget this year.  

2.  I want to get more comfortable with the idea of legitimately being a teacher.  It's like a dream/hope/maybe feels like my destiny thing right now, and as I take more classes it will be time to really test myself and realize I can stretch and do all the hard things I was too afraid to do or try 20 years ago.  I think it will be terrifying but also exhilarating and not at all impossible, despite my negative thoughts about myself.  I am full of potential and I am not over-the-hill, out-of-touch or, by any means, done.

3.  I want to fully re-connect with family that I've distanced myself from.  It is easy to feel hurt.  It is easy to be full of regret because things will never be how you imagined them or hoped they would be.  BUT it's a serious waste of time to bury your head in the sand and not face reality with love and hope, forgiveness and understanding.  So that is most definitely happening this year.

4.  I want to take care of myself completely spiritually this year.  That will involve meditation, yoga, positive talk, more scripture study than I've ever done before, lots of long walks, going to the temple to commune with my Heavenly Father and Savior, and seeing prayer for the sweet communion and lifeline it is instead of a to-do item or something to reach for most desperately when feeling desperate (although that's totally a great time to pray as well).

5.  I want to be healthier.  My health is not a number on the scale or a pant size.  I am running (maybe lots of walking, right Ja? a half marathon mid year).  I am trying to not use sugar as a coping mechanism.  And I am going to embrace more fruits and vegetables.  But I think so much of my health will depend upon #4 above and just how I treat myself and, more importantly, how I serve and love others.  

6.  I want to love more like Christ.  I want to love my husband better, my children better, my other family, my neighbors, strangers, fellow earthlings.  I want to care and contribute and pray for and send all the good vibes because a person's a person no matter how small (or large or black or white or differently-abled or differently-attracted), so I want a bigger heart, really, a changed heart this year.  

With those ideas in mind, hmm, and unexpectedly this comes out of nowhere, I think 2019's word is HEART!!!