Farewell 2017, Hello 2018

I don't know how it happened quite so quickly but the year has come and gone.  It was not a big blogging year on here, but with 5 kids and so much to do, it was a very full year.  I still am in some kind of tug-o-war with Heavenly Father, thinking I know what is better for me than he does, so I do tend to feel dissatisfied more often than I should, but I feel like there aren't a lot of tangible things to do about that for a couple more years (I could totally be wrong, just not seeing it), but I CAN have a much better attitude and so much more gratitude.  I have a wonderful life.  It is so far from Instagram perfect that I'm sure it would make plenty of people cringe, but it is pretty beautiful.

The highlight of 2017 for me was probably our couple's cruise (I felt like practically a world traveler - ha - but it was a really big deal for us).  I sure like that Lucas guy.  Other awesomeness of the year included figuring out Ben's MO, Lily starting to get quite a chipper sense of humor (sometimes a little too good, but she keeps me humble), Matt rocking out at piano at last and being ordained with the priesthood (we get to go to the temple with him this week!), Shawn starting a full day at school (although he is at a rough stage of confused about if he is a big boy or a little boy-I don't think he really needs to choose), and Daphne often being declared the cutest little girl by us and strangers in the store (it sounds conceited but she is a very intense little person, so I cling to the cuteness of it all and time flying by too quickly so as to not go insane).

There was growth in 2017 but not always in the ways I wanted it to come (see above tug-o-war) reference.  I am excited for 2018 and all the possibilities.  I think realistically my best bet is to further embrace where I'm at right now and to love it with all my heart as kids grow so quickly and bring so much laughter to our home, as I continue to be told I will miss this years like crazy...and it's not that I am wishing away small children or a full house (although the constant messes do kill me sometimes), it's myself.  I'm unhappy with how I deal with stress.  I'm unhappy with know who I am in all the huge ways but not sure if I missed the boat on my life's purpose, etc. (yes, I have a slight flare for overthinking things).  So if I can feel more confident in being me in 2018 and loving me and not stuffing my frustrated being with chocolate and impotent rage.

I do have to share a random but oh so big and unexpected blessing of 2018...at least the last part of the year.  In August, a new family moved in down the street.  They are in our Ward, otherwise I might not have meant them for a good long while, but they are the nicest people and so friendly and inclusive.  (You'd think it'd be the other way around where I'd invite and include but, no, the new people did it.  It's been a blessing because I am not a girl's girl.  I don't like girls' nights, girl lunch dates, mom/kid play dates, none of it.  Lucas tried fixing this anomaly earlier in our marriage as he values his guy time so much, but I just really don't see myself getting huge benefits and these situations cause me some social anxiety.  I like people.  I like being friendly but I am not outgoing and I like to have alone time [ha - alone time - my only "alone" time is when I go shopping and leave Lily or Matt to babysit and even then I have to be in public with people].  Trust me, I sound weirder sharing this than I actually am).  Anyway, within a month of moving into our ward, Anngela had invited me into a preschool co-op with Daphne, had offered to watch Daphne Monday morning while I work and, in return, I watch her 2 little boys Friday when she volunteers.  We work in Activity Days together, and we have a lot of commonalities - getting married on the younger side, 4 kids in the same age range, degrees in biology.  I really admire Anngela, but I know putting people on a pedestal is VERY STUPID, so I also like to see that even though her children are so sweet and the whole family takes good care of each other and are of the FRIENDLIEST VARIETY, they are real.  Their house sometimes gets messy too.  Their kids don't always get along perfectly.  Mismatched socks are okay.  I really have set myself up thinking I'm the biggest messup and everyone else has it all figured out, and though I think many people are more comfortable in their own skin than me, it's been good to see Anngela has many challenges I have, plus an extra kid, has just started working at 4 a.m. for an hour or 2, and yet she is confident enough to be friendly and kind and welcoming to everyone she meets.  She chooses to be happy.  She is a good example who does not put on airs, and I am eternally grateful God has sent her family into our neighborhood.  I'm sure that was expressed all gobbedlygook style, but this is me who is writing it.  Wink.

Long story short, it's been great to meet this family.  They even invited us over for a potluck last night with a couple of other new families, and it was so fun.  Our kids all play together so well without fighting or drama.  Definitely a good thing.

And lastly, to round out this post, some pics from 2017. 

Totally flattering shots, I know, but documentation of Dad and JaNiece visiting when they went to the Meridian Temple open house.  JaNiece, Shawn and Daphne baked oven pancakes.

And our families visit to the temple open house:

This is the temple Matt wants to go to for baptisms this week.

And, lastly, pics from our traditional fall hike at Camel's Back Park.  Heart.  Love.  Kissy Face.  Kissy Face.

 Selfie with an old school (non-phone camera), Attempt #1:

 and 2:

I'm wishing anyone who reads this a grand 2018.  I know by the end of the year I am hoping to be more focused on Christ and noticing what I can do to help others and less entrenched in some of my whoa is me moments.  I notice others' needs sometimes now, but, boy, is there room for improvement!