Random...I am Good at This

Weird day...mostly okay but some weird.  The weird started this afternoon and it involves Judy Moody being really, really MOODY.  Not sure where it's coming from, hoping it is some fluke, maybe a side effect of some rhinovirus strain.  Basically, I've learned that I can't successfully logically reason with my 10 year old, at least not when I'm tired.

I watched some Studio C today while doing KP duty.  Season 2 is so FUNNY.  I love humor, mostly just the clean variety, so it is amazing to have a whole show of it.

I am huge.  I laugh because in public or at church people say oh wow you haven't gained anywhere but your belly, but the scale and I have some seriously dirty secrets, and I know my bum and thighs and face did not start out these sizes.  Oh well, if some nice hearted people think I look slim with that lovely large baby bump only, I should just go with it.

I feel like a parenting fail this week.  It's hard.  Why do moms have so much guilt?  My husband never seems to feel guilty about parenting or husband matters.  I am wrapped in guilt about my wifeness and mothering most days.  I put up a fair fight trying to do my best, so it's not like I feel horrible and weighed down all the time, but it's always there inside of me.  My kids are smart.  They often seem happy, but IDK if they are resilient.  The older ones (maybe all of them) are really over sensitive.  Now I always assumed that's my bad because I am a fairly sensitive person, was more so growing up, but I held it in a lot and just worked through it on my own.  Not so for them.  I just hope it's normal, for them.  I really do try to provide fun, spend time with them, but I definitely use tech babysitting to shower or prepare dinner.  I lock myself in the bathroom sometimes, even as they breathe at the door.  Heck, even the dog follows me to the bathroom and waits outside.  And hopefully, and maybe, right now not only am I feeling a bit more high strung because our family is soon to change.  Maybe they are feeling that way too.  Every time I've had a child I've managed to still make everyone feel loved, included, and secure, so why would they even worry or question?  Is it instinctual.  Deep breath.  I will not ever know.  Well, I better work and worry while I work instead of just worry.  Hopefully some happy will come into tomorrow because tonight I feel bleh and bad, like I've done something wrong but am just really trying to do my best at all the things I'm supposed to be doing.